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Cannonball 2011 Winner! Read all about it!

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  • Member since
    December 2004
  • From: Tampa, FL.
Cannonball 2011 Winner! Read all about it!
Posted by Jantrix on Saturday, December 3, 2011 1:13 PM

Good evening race fans, this is Harry Gearjammer bringing you the race results for the 2011 Scale Auto Cannonball Run. As you know we had a great field of drivers this year, fifteen of the most feared racers ever to strap into a driver's seat. Most of them have been banned from race tracks all across the country, and three have open warrants in several states.

They departed the parking lot where the old Shea Stadium used to stand in Queens, New York at midnight on December second. That is all except driver for team Fiat This, Jonnogtv, who was caught exiting a nearby sandwich shop as the field roared off, heading for the bridge. He was quoted as saying, "#$@&%!!, my watch is still on central time!"

We lost the first of our drivers as the field exited Pennsylvania. The driver, Zenrat for Blue Whale Motorsports, lost control of his '77 Chevy Van at the US80/US79 junction, while passing a school bus full of nuns. The resulting explosion shattered windows for a five mile radius and knocked out power to three counties. Time and date for funeral services will be announced. And the nuns are fine.

Competition was fierce between our two Mustang drivers who battled it out for miles through the length of Illinois. At some point they swapped some serious paint on I80 near Joliet and both cars spun out into the median. Then both AceMotorsport and CrazyHorse exited their vehicles and proceeded to settle the issue like men. They will both be arraigned on Tuesday, we wish them luck.

Next to leave the field was the driver for the Watch This! Speed Shop, Jantrix in his svelte Studebaker. Sources say that a poorly welded flaw in the oil pan of his Chevrolet engine resulted in a catastrophic loss of oil pressure and near immediate seizing of his engine at 85 mph. Our travelling reporter decided not to interview the raving driver following the incident.

The racing got intense in Iowa as we had a four way battle between Alex_Bman33, BKCustoms, Hvymtl74, and MLMDesign that got seriously out of control. Alex's blown Nova got seriously squirrelly coming around a bend, cut off BK's Camaro, sending him into a skid. He crossed the median, cutting off Hvymtl74 who was inexplicably going the wrong way. Hvy, trying to regain control, crossed the median striking MLM's Charger who had been trying dodge the spinning Nova from OutaRmind Motorsports. All four vehicles were damaged beyond repair. After making bail the four drivers were seen entering a pub in Davenport, and at the time of this report are still there.

As the remaining racers entered Nebraska, there was a great stretch of billboards that said "WE BARE ALL!" alongside the highway. The driver for Victoria's Secret Speed Shop, Slantasaurus, exited the freeway immediately and hasn't been seen since.

The proud city of Denver spelled doom for two more of our drivers as 001Slick001 and TFChronos ran afoul of some post-game Denver Broncos traffic. Some heated words were exchanged between the drivers and the fans and things got ugly. The word from Denver General Hospital is that both drivers are expected to recover. Get well soon boys!

We need to report the disqualification of our favorite Kiwi driver, NewZealand who stopped for gas in Las Vegas near the Mirage Hotel and Casino. Our latest report is that he met a gal at the station; hit it big at the roulette tables and that night the two of them were married by an Elvis impersonator. Welcome to America NZ!

In an unusual turn of events, A.R.C.'s fearsome '62 Bel Air was sidelined from the race just across the California border when inexplicably all four wheels were flattened at a highway rest stop. On a curious note though, two priests in a red Ferrari were seen leaving the rest stop soon after.

Lunajammer and his crazy VW drove into California with nothing but open road in front of him and no one behind him. The driving was outa sight and it got even better when the California Highway Patrol got involved. The chase went on for miles and at some point left the freeway as the driver decided to try to lose the police in the Mojave National Preserve. Teams are still searching for the missing vehicle. We are hoping the driver had plenty of water.

Four days later the remaining driver, Jonnogtv and his trusty Fiat crossed the finish line victorious!


Rob Geeked There is a nasty little four letter word for building something you're not interested in - work. And that's not what we do here. My Photo Album

  • Member since
    January 2004
  • From: North of Pittsburgh Pa.
Posted by hvymtl74 on Saturday, December 3, 2011 2:54 PM

Well Thnks for this most awesome of stories Rob. I am impressed with the detail and everything you have done along with all who participated CONGRATS TO Jonno and that super lil fiat.

As for Zen we did find him he was blown about 30 miles west of the 79-80 junction at a outlet mall in Grove City Pa. eating a Promanti's No. 2 sandwich (cappicola and ham with fries and coleslaw on it Yes ) mumbling about not making it further so he could have stopped at Summit Racing in Akron Oh.

As for me and the charger we will be back the damage will be repaired and next years weapon will be even better and more stealthy .

for Jonno wheres the beer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Drinks


On the Bench :Too many kits and lil kids that want to help 


  • Member since
    January 2006
  • From: Mornington Peninsula, Victoria, Australia
Posted by zenrat on Sunday, December 4, 2011 2:12 AM

Big Smile

Thumbs Up

It's the 21st Century. Where's my Jet Pack & Flying Car? On the bench - detritus mainly.

Ninjas don't have pockets.

  • Member since
    June 2011
  • From: Morganton N.C.
Posted by tfchronos on Sunday, December 4, 2011 8:59 AM

That's the best story I've read in a long time, hollywood needs writers like you. YesBig SmileThumbs Up

I'm sorry to hear about your van Zen I saw the explosion and am I glad to hear you survived. Oh and one of your carburetors landed just in from of me on the way out of PA so I stopped and put it in my trunk if you want it in memory of the "Blue Whale".

As for that fight I think between me and Slick we took out about 30 angry fans before being brought down ourselves. Coincidently we all ended up on the same floor, got to taken about cars and everything’s good now. Big Smile Slant must be having a really good time, his Capri was still parked their last I heard.

Alex_Bman33, BKCustoms, Hvymtl74, and MLMDesign have another round on me Beer

Thanks again Jantrix for a great contest, this story you wrote is the icing on the cake.

Congrats jonnogtv you earned it. Thumbs Up

Cannonball run CBP entry '70 AAR Cuda lightly modded. Also working on a '69 Daytona (acursed paint still wont go on right) In a box is a 68 Firbird. Which I will do sometime in the future and will be rebuilding a '57 Nomad into a resto-mod. There are alot more I'd like to make I just don't have the money.

  • Member since
    November 2009
  • From: Fargo, ND
Posted by Lunajammer on Sunday, December 4, 2011 12:17 PM


Excerpts from a press release by the California Bureau of Criminal Apprehension.

Despite a valliant pursuit by authorities, we believe Lunajammer’s short track chassis, wide tires and driving experience on long, desolate, North Dakota gravel roads all contributed to his ability to evade apprehension.

Our continuing investigation has led us to narrow our search to an area near a remote commune of peaceful subsistance farmer/ranchers who have been suspiciously protective and uncooperative. We are also examining a set of yellow plug wires found on a village elder’s pickup.

As for Jonnogtv, while we don’t condone the kind of lawless racing he was participating in, we can find against him no evidence of violations or illegal activity. We welcome him to California and wish him safe travels on his return.

On that note, the American Legion Auxiliary has asked us to announce Jonno will be presenting a travelogue of his trip tonight at 7pm. We understand his photos of Yellowstone and the Grand Canyon are fabulous.

(Congratulations Jonno! Well done!)


- Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play? -

  • Member since
    November 2006
  • From: I'm feelin' Califonia, but I'm lookin' Minnesota
Posted by crazyhorse on Sunday, December 4, 2011 12:31 PM

Rob, I enjoyed the story a lot. while I was LMFAO @ the computer,My wife asked me a couple of times, "What is so funny"?

I read her some of the passages, and she laughed as well.

This brings up the question, what do You do for a living? If You don't already, You should consider writing. Well,maybe not kids books though.

This has been fun once again, congrats jonnogtv, Your Fiat was an amazing build. As Rob noted before, everyone's builds were winning entries. I would not have wanted to be the one to try and pick the winner that's for sure!!!

As for Ace and myself, after we went at it a few rounds, and after the whole court thing, things settled down and we had a couple of drinks, and got the brilliant idea to rent a couple of Shelbys' at the local Hertz Rental. Sadly they were no longer available. We did get a Fairmont and proceeded to drive on to Cali. Unforunately we took a wrong turn and ended up in Cucamonga!!

Oh well, maybe next time.

Thanks again Rob, and Happy Holidays to everyone.

" I love it, I need it, I seed it, 8 cylinders all mine, alright, hold tight I'm a highwaystar"

  • Member since
    January 2011
  • From: Toronto
Posted by Jonnogtv on Sunday, December 4, 2011 2:04 PM

OMG you guys. Totally blown away that me and my little 500CC made it to the end, victorious. The competition was incredible. Truly. You all created amazing rides.

Making it to the coast was a little dodgy, though. The hot dog I got from the Express Deli outside Shea when the race started, was questionable, even though Tony the owner assured me it only looked green. This bit of bad judgement caused me to "rest stop" more than a few times along the way.

Also of note: I took quite a few pictures along the route, which I will post as soon as I get them developed. ;-) Look for them this week.

I loved the report of the race. Made me roar. And I loved being a part of this CBP. 

Thanks everyone. And the best part? I only used 3/4 of a tank the entire race. Go figure!


  • Member since
    October 2010
  • From: B.C.
Posted by A.R.C. on Sunday, December 4, 2011 3:29 PM

Awesome finale Jantrix. I laughed all the way through.

I told my brother, " I dont want to pull over, we have a good shot at taking this. Just hang it out the window" But noooooo!!!!!!! Mr Prissy didnt want to, said it was gross and he`s above that. At least we were stranded in California and I know how to surf. Anybody want to trade one slightly battered older brother for a Surfboard and a set of tires?

 If I ever make it to the Cali coast I`ll be sure to find Jono and let him buy me a Beer.

Congrats Jono. That Fiat is very cool.

  • Member since
    October 2008
  • From: Bradford, On. Canada
Posted by Dvdicvs on Sunday, December 4, 2011 4:09 PM

Janntrix, what a great story. Laugh I'm even more sorry I missed out on the fun. Great builds everybody, especially Jonno's Fiat. Very Nice.Thumbs Up I hope to see you all next year.


On the Bench: 76 Mustang Cobra II,  99 Ford F150 Lightning, 68 Mustang GT

  • Member since
    January 2006
  • From: Mornington Peninsula, Victoria, Australia
Posted by zenrat on Sunday, December 4, 2011 4:17 PM

Just a quick update now the dressings are off my hands.
The blast was caused by Mother superiors discarded stogie which after she flipped it out of the bus window got lodged in one of my fuel vent pipes.
The angled mounting of the fuel drums seems to have directed the blast mostly down and in sending 4 flaming missiles up and out.
I landed in the lap of a young novice and would have been OK if I hadn't rushed back in to try and save my almost new leather blouson, mullet straightener and chicago tapes.
Still, alls well that ends well.  Mrs z and I have persuaded Sister Virginia-Loquacious (the aforementioned novice) to kick the habit and join us on the long hard ride home.  It seems she's keen to go down
under and make movies...

Seriously though.  No poll?  Get a grip Scale Auto.  It was decisions like that that caused me to go elsewhere for most of my online modelling fixes.  Only the Cannonball kept me here and I may not be back now.  Maybe we should move it to another forum?


It's the 21st Century. Where's my Jet Pack & Flying Car? On the bench - detritus mainly.

Ninjas don't have pockets.

  • Member since
    December 2004
  • From: Tampa, FL.
Posted by Jantrix on Sunday, December 4, 2011 6:30 PM

I'm very happy that all you guys enjoyed the story and are cool with the ending. There was a lot of excellent work here. I hope no one fels slighted.

As for moving the Cannonball, I think Slant was gonna do it next year, so that decision will be up to him. I'll be checking in no matter were its done.

Crazyhorse, sadly my job does not involve writing, however it is something I have done a bit on the side. Some poetry, short stories, fan fiction, a comic book script and I'm currently reading a book on how to write screenplays. Glad your wife liked it.


Rob Geeked There is a nasty little four letter word for building something you're not interested in - work. And that's not what we do here. My Photo Album

  • Member since
    July 2006
  • From: Armidale / N.S.W. / Australia
Posted by ace-motorsport on Monday, December 5, 2011 3:52 AM

This years Cannonball run was a fun build, id like to thanks Jantrix for a good show and the other builders for their entrys, The Mustang will be shipped back here and rebuilt, i maintain that crazyhorse was blocking me because my 302 put out a fair bit more power and had a little bit more handling ( jokes ;) ) cant wait for next year look out for my Ford Ranger as it will be faster that everyones ;)

Cannonball Run CBP 2011 - 79 Ford Mustang Coupe (Boss302 and quad Webers)

Pictures by ace-motorsport - Photobucket


  • Member since
    June 2010
  • From: MIssouri
Posted by BKcustoms on Monday, December 5, 2011 8:34 AM
Thanks Jantrix for making this years race another great one, and Congrats jonno on winning, you definitely deserved it! In the mean time I guess I'll go recover the camaro from the side of the road :P
  • Member since
    March 2011
  • From: Zion,IL
Posted by generaltso on Monday, December 5, 2011 6:41 PM

Mmmmmmmm..... Primantis....... the only thing I miss about Pittsburgh,and my old firehall. I never did get the Bronco going but I've silentlyfollowed this thread throughout the whole year. Nice job guys!!! Congrats Jonno!

There's no replacement for displacement...

  • Member since
    November 2009
  • From: Fargo, ND
Posted by Lunajammer on Tuesday, December 6, 2011 10:39 PM

BTW Rob, I failed to mention how much I appreciate you moderating this thread and taking a chance on a creative ending solution. I know you were a little luke warm in the beginning but I think we all benefited from your oversight. 

Without a poll to serve as the actual "race" I'm not sure what the future of this event is here but I'll follow it in one way or another wherever it goes. Until next time gentlemen and modelers extraordinaire, all the best!

- Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play? -

  • Member since
    December 2004
  • From: Tampa, FL.
Posted by Jantrix on Wednesday, December 7, 2011 11:45 AM

Thanks very much Luna, I was happy to take care of this CBP. I'm very disappointed about the poll function myself. I'm glad my solution has been received well.

Rob Geeked There is a nasty little four letter word for building something you're not interested in - work. And that's not what we do here. My Photo Album

  • Member since
    August 2009
Posted by hesse on Wednesday, December 7, 2011 1:53 PM

Thumbs Up Though I wasn't a builder I have been following this thread. Great builds and if something gets going next year for the Cannonball I may even get off my backside and build something.  Jantrix...thanks for your moderation and the story.  Good stuff!  And to all the Cannonballers...there are no rules!!!!!

  • Member since
    November 2004
  • From: out of mind
Posted by slantasaurus on Saturday, December 24, 2011 1:16 PM

OK, I just sent out PM's to everybody (I think I got everyone) if you didn't get a PM please post here or contact me for the information. Sometimes the PM's on this site don't always work. I hope eveyone joins in again for Cannonball Run 2012. There are 3 things that will survive anything. Cockroaches, Keith Richards, and Slant 6 Dusters. "I'm not trying to change anybody's mind about anything, I'm just trying to ease my mind about everything" - Todd Snider


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